After Entering Into Love
The Fourth Gathering of Domestic Adoptive Families

Article by Andrew Lee/Translation by Judy

For Domestic Adoption Section of Cathwel, an important event is marked almost every October—the gathering of domestic adoptive families.

On this day, all adoptive families once helped by Cathwel Service brought their children back.  Besides the amazing growth of children, the interaction and exchange among families are also highly expected, such as recent development, the difficulties of raising children, daily challenges created by the children…and so on. All the excitements and worries emerged after the arrivals of the children became joys and sorrows to the adoptive families. Watching couples bringing or carrying children from afar, social workers cried out their names excitedly.  The scenes looked like parents bringing children back to their parents’ home in the homecoming setting!

Frankly speaking, the term of “homecoming” is diffident for me. In the process of adoption preparation, the relationship between adoptive parents and social workers is not always harmonious. In addition to educational and accompanying roles, social workers also have to undertake the work of evaluation. The multi-role of social workers often makes us stand in the opposite position with adoptive parents. Adoption is never an easy task. The first stage of adoption process is parental training class which is often a shock for parents: realizing the special needs of children and the importance of letting children know their origin—all these are quite different from they had imagined.  This is the first-stage challenge they often face.

Having initial knowledge of adoption, adoptive parents begin a rough journey of self-exploration through a series of conversations, visits and discussions with no standard answers. Parents have to be inquired in detail about the real facets of their own past, present and future. Such private and profound exchanges are helpful for them to be prepared for the unknown future, including the risks which nobody would like to foresee. Parents in this process may have chances to reveal topics which have never been discussed with their partners, friends or relatives. This may evolve subtle connections between them and Cathwel.  Many parents treat Cathwel personnel like their family members since social workers know them better and deeper than their close friends. This relationship is formed beautifully but not easily.

For a normal family, it takes ten-month pregnancy to receive a new life. However, physical pain may not happen in adoptive families, but the time and uncertainty of waiting are no less.  Thus hoping for so long, when the family finally adopts a child, lots of affection and expectation will surely be poured upon the child.

“Raising a child is not a problem but discipline is.” It is indefinite to start a beautiful chapter when a child comes into the adoptive family. It will be followed by issues of discipline and friction. True love will only be revealed when free space, curiosity and adjustment are offered among family members in their daily contact.

The most interesting part of gathering was to observe families in every different stage. In the stage of “honeymoon”, parents shared with others how cute and lovely their babies are; in the stage of “turbulence”, parents were often distressed by their rebellious and self-willed children. They might feel helpless but still kept smiling on their faces. No matter how naughty the children are, they are always the softest and most complacent parts in the parents’ heart.This year, many activities were organized for the children, such as painting piggy banks, exploring ecosystem or chasing bubbles on the grass. For the adoptive parents, group discussion was arranged extra. After they have established deep attachment with their children and knew them better, they would curiously try to find out how the others help children to realize their origin. Unlimited questions may come along with issue of birth history from the children, such as where did I come from? how did I join the present family?…All these are sensitive taboos in Taiwanese society. However, when the parents talked about this, they were always full of love and pride in their eyes.  After a lot of life education and sharing, parents could naturally mingle those tough questions within their daily conversations step by step.  Adoption is not a secret, and birth history should not be a taboo, either.

It was the fourth gathering of adoptive families. “Class party” might be a much more proper term for the gathering.  The families were like classmates who grow up together, and witness the yearly harvest as well as transformation of one another. Either senior families or newly-joined faces, nobody take life easier or harder than others.  After adoption, it has not been easy yet not lonely. Since the life stories of this group are alike, they can share the same moment every year. This warm and accompanying power will always be there just like the existence of Cathwel Service.

Thanks to the participants, parents as well as children, you have taught us the wisdom and ability to love with your live stories.  Your unconditional love help the missing piece of puzzle fit in, lead us enter into love, and get together here.