Definition of Home
By Franky Wu / Translation : Judy Yen
Sometimes adoptive parents curiously ask me why I engage myself in the job of adoption, I always answer them: “what I do is a good and happy thing for three parties (birth family, adoptive family and adoptee). To me, most of the social work are dealing with sad, heavy and stressful cases. Our moods often in the state of sad and down. While handling with adoption is different. Hence I am very happy in doing my job.” When they hear it, adoptive parents give me a “can-not-agree” expression and response: “Oh, yeah? Is that really true?” Yes, I know that every adoption story starts from “lost”. Birth mother cannot raise her kid personally— she feels lost. The kid cannot grow up in the birth family-like duckweed after birth, changing placement, facing problem of self-identity and tag of adoption when grow up, and loss of culture and language. Some adoptive parents face sadness of infertility, their adopted children are inevitably separated from their birth families/countries, the lost begins… and so on.
Yet, I can see the joy of becoming a family. For birth parents: they will not be unable to live besides taking care of the babies because they are, at present stage of their lives, facing more family-risk-factors and high-pressured challenges. For children: they can finally have permanent belongings and caregivers with abundant love and resources to fulfill their basic security and various needs. For adoptive parents: they can start new chapters of their lives, move into new life stages and give their full love to one person. I still remembered in a home study, and was deeply moved by their motive of adoption from one adoptive couple: “we not only want to have the extension of our blood, DNA, the inheritance of good deeds, virtues and excellent family values, but also want to hand down our precious life experiences to the next generation.” This makes me feel that this is a very meaningful job.
I am very fortunate to take part in the life stories of many people and this job also gives me lots of feedback. I feel gratified whenever I meet children coming back Taiwan with their adoptive parents and all have grown prosperously and freely in love. I feel happy for these grown-ups coming back for roots-finding, who can appreciate, learn and embrace two different cultures. Some can reunite with their birth families so that their life puzzles can be completed and restored. I am also joyful for them.
Why do I like this job? Probably because I am convinced that every child should grow up in a family. I once read an opening passage in a foreign publication, which can be quoted to prove my point: “Every kid needs a family. This, we know. We know it when we look at our own children and think about our dreams for them. We know it in our hearts, in our bones and from our own stories. Whether “family” means a mother and father, a single parent, a beloved aunt or uncle, a grandparent or a caring foster or adoptive family, this bond gives meaning to our successes, cushions our hardships and allows us to be most ourselves. A family loves us at our worst and summons our best when nothing else will. A family provides a compass from birth to death. It is the definition of home.”
Lastly, I want to express some words to the three parties I am serving:
To birth family: Thank you for your perfect love, your let go (not for selfish) and not letting the kid to be sunk in the placement system. Be responsible for choosing adequate adoptive family and meet them with great courage.
To kid: Uncle Franky wants to say to you and wishes your life will be filled with love memories. Life is short. Adoption is only a small section of your life experience. Do not let it occupy your heart and become a whole. Do not over persevere the imperfect beginning of your life. Cherish the moment and grasp the present. Love is love. It is above any form, race, culture and it will always be yours if you can open your heart and embrace it.
To adoptive family: Thank you for your unconditional love and willing to share your love, your family with kids who are in need. And you are willing to accompany these kids in their growing-up journey.